Why is it so important to develop self-compassion?
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In the modern world, full of stress and challenges, each of us could afford more tolerance and tenderness, but often we, on the contrary, become stricter and more demanding of ourselves. As Chris Germer, MD, a professor at Harvard Medical School, notes, “78% of people show more compassion to others than to themselves.” However, even small changes in the perception of our own mistakes can have a positive impact on our well-being. Let’s explore together what self-compassion is and how it can be practiced effectively.
Contents of the article:
what is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding to yourself in moments of failure and suffering, rather than criticizing and judging yourself. It is recognizing that mistakes and difficulties are a natural part of the human experience, and allowing yourself to be imperfect.
Why is this important? Developing self-compassion can help reduce anxiety and depression, improve emotional stability, and increase motivation for personal growth. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to feel inner peace and face life’s challenges with more confidence.
How to practice self-compassion? Start with simple steps:
- Mindfulness: Notice your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Friendly Self-Talk: Talk to yourself as you would to a close friend.
- Accepting Imperfections: Accept your weaknesses and mistakes as part of the journey.
- The ability to forgive yourself: don’t dwell on past mistakes, learn to let them go.
Regular practice of compassion meditation and gratitude journaling can also help strengthen this quality.
By developing self-compassion, we create a strong foundation for psychological health and well-being, promoting harmonious development in all areas of life.
What do we mean by “self-compassion”?
Self-compassion is the ability to feel and acknowledge your difficulties, accepting them with kindness and a desire to improve your condition. This concept includes not only gentleness and caring, but also the determination to protect oneself, like the instinctive impulse of a mother bear.
As Kristin Neff, author of Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive, says: “When genuine compassion is turned inward, it helps you stand up for your own views, fight for your rights and justice. In our society, women are often prohibited from expressing anger “however, this emotional response can be a source of strength and transformation.”
Scientific research confirms that self-compassion can significantly improve your quality of life. Chris Germer explains, “By allowing yourself space for mistakes and imperfections, you become less vulnerable to external influences that tend to affect self-esteem—whether it’s your appearance, your performance at work, or public opinion.” This is unconditional self-love, especially in difficult moments when everything does not go as we would like. This position emphasizes the idea that the meaning of life is acceptance and kindness, not perfection and high performance.
Scientists at the University of California, Berkeley found that people who practice self-compassion are more intrinsically motivated to improve after failure—whether it’s a failed exam or a personal mistake.
Research by Kristin Neff demonstrates that those who develop self-compassion are more likely to show concern for others. For example, a 2019 review published in the Journal of Health Psychology found that such people are more likely to quit smoking, control their diet, sleep better, exercise regularly, and are more likely to seek support during difficult times. Self-compassion builds resilience to stress and improves self-esteem. Simply put, this practice is one of the most accessible and effective methods make life happier and healthier.
Self-compassion also helps reduce anxiety and depression. According to a study published in the journal Mindfulness, regular self-compassion practices help harmonize your emotional state and help you cope more easily with chronic stressful situations. An important component is the ability not to judge yourself for imperfections, allowing you to look at your feelings and thoughts from a position of support and understanding.
Practical techniques for developing self-compassion include meditation and exercises on mindfulness, keeping a gratitude journal, and reframing negative thoughts into more positive ones. For example, instead of self-blame, you can use statements like: “It’s difficult, but I’m doing my best.” or “Everyone makes mistakes, I learn and grow.” Such methods strengthen internal resources and help build a positive attitude towards oneself on a long-term basis.
It’s worth noting that developing self-compassion does not mean indulgence or refusal to change. Instead, it is the foundation of healthy self-discipline, where taking care of your own needs and emotional well-being becomes a priority rather than a source of guilt or shame.
The Positive Effects of Developing Self-Compassion
To date, there are over 4, 000 scientific studies on the effects of self-compassion. Let’s look at the key ones.
Stimulates taking care of your health. As Neff notes, “Numerous studies show that people with high levels of self-compassion are better at eating better, exercising more often, and delaying doctor visits.” The explanation lies in the fact that the “bend over and befriend” response – a unique mechanism for reducing stress – also suppresses impulsive desires for immediate pleasure. Self-compassion leads to conscious choices: “This is the respectful approach a good parent would take with a child who wants ice cream for dinner. The loving and compassionate solution is to say no while keeping balance between immediate pleasure and long-term benefit,” explains Germer.
Reduces stress and anxiety levels. Work published in 2021 in the journal Positive Psychology found that people who practiced self-compassion during the pandemic—for example, through emotional journaling and meditation—felt less depressed and were less likely to engage in bad habits such as overeating or drinking alcohol. Self-compassion creates a sense of emotional stability even in the face of uncertainty. This triggers parasympathetic activity nervous system and the release of oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” which makes us feel warm and calm.
Eases physical pain. A 2020 study by Chris Germer found that patients with chronic low back pain who trained self-compassion for two weeks had decreased activity in areas of the brain associated with pain perception, while increased activity in areas that regulate threat responses. This practice reduces not only physical pain, but also negative emotions – shame due to restrictions in life and bad mood from feeling “non-standard”. condition.
Self-compassion is recognizing that your condition is not your fault and that it does not define you as a person. Incorporating the “tend and befriend” mechanism, this practice relaxes the body and softens the response to physical and psychological suffering.
Protects against anxiety and depression. People who practice self-compassion are less likely to experience depression and excessive anxiety. Research by Australian psychologist Madeleine Ferrari confirms that self-compassion helps fight perfectionism, which significantly reduces the risk of developing depression, turning criticism into a more gentle attitude towards one’s own mistakes.
Increases internal strength. Research from the University of Arizona has shown that people who show self-compassion during a divorce are better able to cope with emotional turmoil. This is due to the fact that self-compassion helps us to abandon the destructive pity and self-flagellation that only keep us in the swamp of problems.
How to Start Practicing Self-Compassion
Why does this skill, so useful for us, not become natural for the majority?
First of all, many cultures place the needs of others first rather than their own.
“Secondly, our evolutionary nature contributes to this,” explains Paul Gilbert, psychologist and founder of the Compassionate Mind Foundation. “When you feel shame about a mistake or experience conflict, your innate tendency to self-control leads you to blame yourself in an attempt to correct the mistake.” If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I’m so stupid that I keep doing this.” – this is exactly that automatic reflex of self-criticism.
However, it is still possible to start over. “We weren’t taught how to self-soothe as children, so this is a valuable skill we need to develop as adults,” advises Hilary Tindle, Ph. D., author of How Positive Outlook Can Transform Our Health and Aging.
Self-compassion is the missing piece in the puzzle of a happy life.
As Germer notes, “research confirms that being kind to yourself facilitates goal achievement much more effectively than self-criticism and blame.”
Try stopping to practice self-compassion whenever you notice yourself starting to beat yourself up: close your eyes, think about a situation that causes you stress (for example, problems at work or a toxic relationship). Ask yourself where in your body do you feel these emotions? Concentrate on this place and say quietly: “This is a moment of suffering.” Acknowledging pain is the first step towards self-love!
Next, tell yourself: “I am not alone in my feelings.” Then place your hands on your heart and say: “Allow yourself to be kind. I can give myself what I really need right now.” Imagine that a loved one is faced with a similar problem – what would you tell him? How did you support? Formulate these words for yourself personally!
